Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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