we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
