Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
