I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude. I can hear the air.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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