the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
