instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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