Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
