Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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