The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We're using joints as your birthday candles
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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