Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
