Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
