this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
