$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize