absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
