He uses pillows to masturbate.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
