I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
