I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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