wanna go halves on a baby?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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