Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
