Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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