Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Farmville is her only friend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
