Banned from zoo.
Again?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
