Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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