When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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