i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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