RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
