I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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