I just cut my nipple shaving
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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