erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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