friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
