4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
