Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
