idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
