I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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