Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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