Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
