i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
