I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
