college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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