my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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