And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was born a porn star she said
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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