she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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