So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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