How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
