Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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