dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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