So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize