Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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