its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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