she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
