at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
tell me about the eggs
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
