My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
