Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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