just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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