well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
