If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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