I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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