if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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