i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize