worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
