Got a toothbrush?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
