it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
