You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
