he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
