I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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