OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
