Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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