I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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