hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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