An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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