You're completely useless in the revolution.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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