I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
