im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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