You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
