what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
