I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
