Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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