I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
