I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
