She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I will be naked everywhere
I will pee on everything he values.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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