btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he fucked my hip out of place.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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