her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
