Will you blow on my dice?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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