I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
