Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
