The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
