i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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