does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
