Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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