If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He passed out mid-signature
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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