My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
