my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
