I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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