Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
