I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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